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Less Than A Story

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[10 Mar 2007|05:13pm]

beautiful people are always the first to die. i'm glad i'm the ugly one.
they came in 1 word // express your thoughts

[01 Jan 2007|12:13pm]

express your thoughts

Fold [09 Oct 2006|10:02pm]

All the untested virtue
The things I said I'd never do
Least of all to you

She pulls her knees up to her chest quietly so as not to wake him, wrapped up tight in his sleep, and all she can think of are the sit-coms she used to watch. There would always be a pair of characters that everyone wanted to see together; they'd always get into silly misadventures and awkward situations and witty overly scripted banter would pervade it all, (that and about 17 metric tonnes of sexual tension) until the writers finally ran out of ideas and threw them into bed together a few seasons later.

She thinks of the other man, the one who came first -- no, the man in her bed now had come first, the other had simply been in her bed first. She hates to boil it down to those things, as so much love was intwined in this, all in and about and through this.

"I've never wanted anyone or anything more in the world", he had told her. "You fit like no one I've ever known." She wished he wouldn't say those things, it only meant everything was about to get complicated.

They'd been Josh and Donna for too long, right down to the witty, overly scripted banter. (If you like, you can replace Josh and Donna with Ross and Rachel, Niles and Daphne, Joel and Maggie, or Sam and Diane. Not like it's a new concept.) It was only a matter of time.

And just like in each and every of the sit-coms, everything was about to get complicated. That was the only thing about which she was sure.


I know he's kind and true
I know that he is good to you
he'll never care for you more than I do

He lies still and listens to her move, and as much as he wants to open his eyes and look at her, to prove to himself that she's really there, that he's really there, that it wasn't just a(nother) dream... he keeps still, half afraid of what might happen if he even moves a muscle, half afraid she'll disappear if he tries to touch her. He waited far too long for this.

Time stretches out and snaps back like a band in the closed room, closed doors and closed windows with the blinds drawn so no one would ever know. He doesn't want to formulate a plan just yet. Oh, they'll need one for sure, because he doesn't understand, and he knows she doesn't understand, so how the hell could anyone else?

"I've never wanted anyone or anything more in the world", he told her. "You fit like no one I've ever known.

He had waited far too long for this, that was the only thing about which he was sure.


Time may fly
And dreams may die,
The shaking voice that tells him go
Still thinks he might
He knows he won't

They're down the rabbit hole, and that is the only thing about which they are sure.
they came in 1 word // express your thoughts

[20 Sep 2006|10:53am]

What no-one ever knew.

That I said 'I love you' under my breath every time you walked away. That my mouth smiled but my eyes were still so sad. That you didn't notice. That I never accepted the inevetable. That I was the one who stole the red mug out of your office so that I could pretend to taste you. That I left because I couldn't stay but had to.

What you never wanted.
express your thoughts

smiling, crying and celebrity [24 Jun 2006|07:23pm]

[ mood | indescribable ]

Luminous. He describes her eyes as luminous, giant and blue and expressive. They light up at the smallest things, from getting a chance to sing in front of campers to seeing a beautiful pair of shoes. She radiates that life, that passion, and he cannot ignore the fact that he is captivated by her.


She refuses to be angry with him. No matter what he does to her, no matter how angry he himself gets, she is never angry with him.

He saw it as weakness once. He can't now; her subtle motions and gentle words are so much a part of him he cannot let them subside. So he keeps screwing up.

Testing her.

She never fails.
they came in 3 words // express your thoughts

[31 May 2006|04:34am]

Why write letters when you can write dreams.
Why settle down when someone else isnt settling for anything less than butterflies?
express your thoughts

[19 Aug 2005|12:49pm]

[ mood | melancholy ]

The rain soothes his troubled mind. Cold winds calm his soul with a sense of certainty. Time moves on, they say. Everything changes. The winds blow through his black hair and sting his dark eyes. He closes them and lifts his head to the sky. Rainwater washes over the young man, cleansing him for the moment. He knows he will never really be clean. Can he ever really be free? The sky is darkening, the sun setting before his eyes. In the last rays of amber light he gazes upon a land of filth and pain. When all sunlight is gone the man looks again to the sky. The stars will not shine tonight.

express your thoughts

I wrote this when I was 17. I found it in an old notebooke yesterday [22 Jul 2005|04:21pm]

[ mood | creative ]

I thought this was pretty fucked up and it came from my point of view.

Fear. It's why I look the other way. It's why I become paralyzed in the heat of the moment. When things seem so right, I pause and look around me. That's when things seem all wrong. And I have to run the other way. I can't seem to sit still long enough to see whats going on inside my head. My emotions are in essence like stained glass, blurry from the inside, but beautiful. People see me go crazy. Sex. Drugs. Smoking. Drinking. Being scandalous in general. People see that as beautiful. I see that as starving. Starving for attention. Starving to be beautiful. Funny that. I never really starved. High on acid and shrooms, I chase purple smurfs through the woods. I don't really remember through the haze, but the elf in the woods talked to me. Telling me that I need to grow up. Fuck him. I'm only seventeen years old. I've got years to grow up. Waking up in the arms of her. So strong. Gentle. She never cares. Fucking me and fucking an older version of beautiful. I wanted to be hers forever. But I can't. So I go back to him. Moving from A to B. The glass becoming foggy. The steel breaks through my skin as though I'm a brick being thrown through the plaster. I wake up in the mess, shrug, continuing to be beautiful. I feel the rush of the cocaine through my nostrils, my veins, my brain. My defrost doesn't work anymore. I'm icy and cold. But shivering from the heat. I can't take it anymore. . But I have to. There's no-one I can turn to. It's no longer a blank canvas. Red. Black. Blue. Purple. Nothings bright. All bitter. I scream and push it away. But everyone thinks it's beautiful. I'm on my knees now. He's behind me. Telling me how great I feel. How tight and wet I am. But it's not because of him. It's because of her. The her I want to be and it turns me on. Almost as much as the heroin does. My mouth is dry. My legs are shaky and I turn to the ecstasy. It brings me up. It makes me warm. It makes me love. My family stares as I come down. They don't know what I did last night. That I haven't slept in three days. That I skipped school yesterday to fuck someone I met the night before. But he offered gifts. Gifts in the form of a needle. I promised never to that. But I did. I weakened to be beautiful. To be wanted. My skirt pulled down to my ankles as he fucked me in the bathroom. I never felt his lips. I felt dirty. Used. But I wanted to feel that way. If only for five minutes while he came inside of me. I tell my friends and they think it's beautiful. I don't want to be beautiful anymore.

they came in 3 words // express your thoughts

fcuk. [19 Jun 2005|08:16pm]

i feel like i've done something wrong. i loved ____, still do. but i'm not losing sleep or not eating because of him. did i ever care for him that much? probably not. then why do i still need him? jesus.

everything would just be easier if _____ would date me. but honestly? he's head over heels - for ____, at least. i don't want to split them up; they're too cute together.

"we have a wheel that takes you from here to there. they have a wheel that takes you to the stars." - jacob wheeler, into the west
express your thoughts

[13 Jun 2005|01:51pm]

nothing she ever told him was real.

but then again, neither was anything he told her.

they lived in false beauty and suffered in their lies.
they came in 1 word // express your thoughts

T.R. [30 Dec 2004|06:37am]

The ghost of Theodore Roosevelt haunts me.
His disappointment looks out from the commercial bought brick-brak at TGIF.
His quotes on the trivia game thunder accusations.

“Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to rake with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.”

Jesus, Teddy. Let me forget that time passes as I pass the time with this trivial trivia game.

Somebody pass the peanuts.
they came in 3 words // express your thoughts

[20 Dec 2004|07:49pm]

I have been working on the following piece. I am about to give up the ghost on it. It seemed like a good idea when I started but I just can't get a rhytmn.

The piece....

One of my Many Hypocrisies

I’m sure the Franciscan Friars didn’t have a problem force feeding Christianity to those doomed to hell. Small pox is just collateral damage and all that.

For two years I taught US History in Damascus, Syria. I liked teaching US History to the moldable minds of our enemies children. 5th Period’s 5th Column. I felt good preaching our secular gospel to the heathens.

10th grade-World History 2nd and 4th Period

Pay attention kids were going to do it all from
Ying Yang’s to Paper Fang’s,
Ghandi passing the salt,

Cortes, Pizarro vs Boliviar’s Blazing Star and Che’ the film star

British, French, and Portugese, Oh My, British, French, and Portugese Oh My
Gee, toto I don’t think we are in Nubia anymore

Languages forgotten,
Religions rotten
borders not making any sense,
Heart Attacks in Darkness,

Balfour Declaring,
British sun-setting,
Things falling,


Kids, Bottom line, the Moral of this story is
The French, The Portugese, The Spanish, The British were wrong to try and force their ways on a people.

11th Grade US History 3rd and 5th Period

Tea Parties, Manifesting Destiny, All men are Created Equal-Eventually,

Give me your poor huddled masses, ignore that line outside the embassy,
Cities on Hills,
Harpies on Pills,
No taxation without my cut,

Andrew Jackson’s Keg Party in the White House, Democracies Noise,

Languages forgotten,
Religions rotten
This time for cotton

Ask not what you can Go West for young man,

British immigration seeks religious toleration creating Indian reservations
slave immigration for plantations, Irish immigration fills train stations, mexican immigration fills bus stations, Constant transformation of the nation

We have nothing to fear but segregation now, segregation tomorrow, segregation forever.

back-an-better-than-the-orginal World War II,

McCarthy Ducks and Covers,
Military Identity Complex, Watergate under the bridge
separation of (super)powers
checks and balances checkmated in Czechoslovakia
War’s thawing out in other languages
suffering without suffrage

Bottom Line Kids: Bottom line, the Moral of this story is Don’t fire until you see the white

of their better angels of our nature.
express your thoughts

Not a simple trip to the dollar store. [17 Dec 2004|08:09pm]

I will admit it. I was exhausted from a night of illegalities and sleeplessness. So I know my face contorted when she, upon passing in the hall, called out "Ray! Ray? Come 'ere please?". I knew my feet had stopped, mid stride. I knew my eyes flashed a shade of anger for a brief moment before they trailed the cooling sunlit reflection on laminated flooring. And then she was in my view. My worn out sneakers barely made a sound as i approached, but even if they did the sound would have been drown out by the commotion of the few hundred other students occupying the school as well.

"Uh..Yeah?" When I arrived.
"Come talk to me..outside, ok?" she replied
"Yeah.." I followed her out the doors and to the ledge, where she sat.
"I..I have a problem"
"Ray.. Im serious."
"So am I."
She looked horrified, but she pressed on. She knew something, I, at the time, Did not.
Then she spoke again "I need you to buy.." her voice faultered to a whisper, "a pregnancy test."
"the fuck?"
She nodded, and looked away. In her fear they were the most beautiful shade of grey I had ever seen in my life.
"Why me? Ask your boyfriend."
"What the fuck, Liz. Why me?"
There was a long, long silence then, before the bell rang, she got up and went to the doors. Turning back in thatstyle that depicts a dramatic quote forthcoming, hers was no less stunning.
"Because your the only person in this entire fucking school that I trust."

The next day she recieved her pregnancy test, slipped into her locker after the bell had rang and the students cleared the halls for first period.
they came in 1 word // express your thoughts

[13 Dec 2004|08:52pm]

The woods change. The Woods can create Disney’s Bambi and can also create The Wizard of Oz’s trees of evil faces, and the sinister intentions, or Hans and Gretel . The Desert is not like this. The Desert is always seen as harsh. From Jesus to John Wayne it is something to endure, and maybe if you are lucky pick up a little enlightment along the way.
express your thoughts

[29 Nov 2004|07:54pm]
I really don't mean to monopolize, but I'm in a writing mood now and here's another short excerpt I just came up with.


What am I doing here? Honestly, does it do any good to show up if I'm not going to pay any bit of attention? Wouldn't it be better if I just stayed, secluded, in my own bed? How did I end up stuck in this routine? That's really the only reason I'm here: routine. Because I don't know what would happen if I stayed home.

Staying home doesn't even enter my mind as a real option. It's more of a childish fantasy, like becoming a rock star. As some little girl is writing her Grammy acceptance speech, I wonder what would happen if I didn't show up. After all, it's not as though everything will just stop if I'm not there. It's not as though the lack of my presence makes it all insignificant. Life goes on, I'm just not a part of it. But that's pretty much what happens anyway. I'm just a fly on the wall, or even the wall itself, watching everything happen around me.

So I put myself out there. I'm sitting here, not listening to you, and playing with the fettucini on my plate. And you're none the wiser as you ramble on about your job or your childhood or whatever you men talk about at these things. After a hundred of them, you'd think I'd have it down pat. You're all the same anyway. Every evening is just a reincarnation of the previous one. And you still don't get me. You never do.
express your thoughts

[29 Nov 2004|07:14pm]
Here's something I wrote over a year ago. Considering the time of year, I thought it was appropriate to dig it out again.


Jenna sat in the coffee house, sipping her gingerbread latte. The one good thing about this time of year was the sudden abundance of specialty foods and drinks. She could indulge herself in the flavors of an ideal Christmas, and think back to a simpler time when she enjoyed the holidays. Why couldn't everything be about Santa and magic, like it was as a child? It was so much easier than trying to get an extra week off work so she could fly out to Boston. It was definitely easier than dealing with her parents' constant fighting.

Refusing to think about any of that for the moment, she just sat and continued to drink, soaking in the memories of better days.

they came in 1 word // express your thoughts

Why I write [29 Nov 2004|04:51pm]

Why I write and Self-Portrait
Recording in tabor36's bathroom.

I believe you leave a little bit of your soul in every bed you sleep in. It's the remnants of the dreams you leave behind. This is not a bad thing. It just is. Fading memories are a much more tragic way to slowly lose your soul. Memories like languages are forgotten when not used. My friends are mostly far away.

Rest of the text behind the cut. Collapse )
express your thoughts

[28 Nov 2004|03:28pm]
Hi, I'm new. I just posted this to another community (50wordstory, hence the length) but I'd like to turn it into more eventually. Feedback welcome.


Why do I keep coming back here? Caught in these empty dreams... carrying on this love affair with the silence, the darkness, the all-encompassing nothingness that surrounds me night after night.

Do I really enjoy this, being alone? Or was it just a lie I told myself too many times?
they came in 1 word // express your thoughts

Inca vs Mexico [22 Nov 2004|12:10pm]

To Machu Picchu there is only two ways in and one way out. Either hike in on the old Incan Trail or take a train along the silvery Urubamba, guess which I suggest.

More Text and several images behind the cut. Collapse )
they came in 4 words // express your thoughts

[19 Nov 2004|04:55pm]

I am new to this community and I want to ask a question before I post. Wait I am posting now! I like to mix my writing and photography together and tend to start with a photo with less than 300 by 300 pixels, the written piece and then photographs that fit. Would this not be approbiate for this community? If not who could recommend a community for this sort of thing. Plese go to my lj if you want to get a better idea of what I mean.
they came in 2 words // express your thoughts

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